[Disclaimer...I am happily married, have great friends, my kids are amazing and this blog is about a super personal issue I have dealt with in defining me and where I belong. I wouldn't change who I am ever, and I love where I am in life]
In school I was never quite athletic enough to hang with the jocks, I wasn't bright enough to be with the brainacs, no musical talent what-so ever excluded me from the choir/band groups. As an adult in my late twenties/early thirties I struggled to maintain relationships with female friends [maybe still do from time to time], I had my son at 21 so I was the 'young mom' with him and then when I had my daughter at almost 30 I became the 'old mom' as she hit grade school.
So as you feel sorry for me at this point [haha, totally kidding], I want to remind you that we all feel like misfits from time to time. When I was diagnosed with my two diseases I thought, 'ah-ha! I finally have found a name for my issues now lets find others like me!'. It wasn't that easy, I actually have two diseases that most people have never heard of and those that do have one or the other disease don't have both of them.
So there I was stuck again with issues others couldn't understand. Sure I could find people with one or the other aliment but not both. So I figured I was going to have to live with not fitting in all over again..at almost 40 that is where I stood.
This past weekend I had the privilege to attend an AMAZING Leadership conference in Tampa for one of the diseases I house [visit www.cmtausa.org for more info]. The disease surfaces in so many ways there are those who are in wheelchairs, to those wearing bracing on their legs, hands that are deformed and weakened, severe hip issues and then there is me....[crickets chirping here] I don't need bracing at this point, my hands [although super weak and clumsy] can function quite well, my hips [although are lose and slide around] are still functioning, and above all things I actually had multiple people ask if I have the disease or if I was there for a family member.
SURE I am happy that the disease hasn't progressed to any of those places yet, but even in the light of the event [we are all there as support group leaders for the disease] I don't fit in. I don't fit the 'look' of a person with the aliment...ugh!
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| Start of conference |
The people at the conference were amazing. They were inspiring, creative, interesting and just down right fun. But being the 'above normal' [said loosely because I have friends that could argue that :)] I didn't fit in, and I actually felt kinda odd in the environment. Now let me pass along that I am not a negative Nelly kinda gal, actually I am quite positive but one longs to fit in somewhere at some point in their life!
And then it happened. I don't know how exactly it did happen but it did. I somehow ended up with a group of gals that just made me feel that I was normal...yes I said it normal! Maybe not normal to another persons standards, but normal to ours. From chest up we all look the same, but this group is different. A few wear braces on their legs, a few have weakening of the hands but that didn't stop them from making me feel like I had known them for years!!
Sure others may view us as crazy, odd, and funny..:) but guess what? I fit right in with that, they get me! And they laughed at my stories and jokes [even the not so funny ones]. We took that conference by storm and even the airport!
So finally, after almost 40 years I have found my peeps. NOW PLEASE DON'T misunderstand me, I have friends. I actually have lots of friends but there is something different about this group. I cannot put my finger on it, maybe its because they are closer to the same cookie cutter as me :)
So if you are struggling with not finding your place, keep looking. It may take years but don't rule out that you belong nowhere because you do belong, it's just a matter of finding others that are just like you.
Blessings.....
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