Broken.

   I was driving to school last night with feeling of being on an island [not in a good way]. I felt far, far from friends far from life. I put on worship music and just really allowed the words to sink and stick. 

    Broken is what I heard over and over in my head. Was I broken? If so how? Is my mind broken? Is society broken? Is the world broken? Broken, broken, broken. That word haunted me all thru the night and just now I saw a post online and stood up walked right to the laptop and began to type.

   Will this blog post offend you? Not my intention. Will this post open your eyes? That is my intention. So what made me begin to type? A unthinkable and sick post of a person who had skinned their dog alive and took pictures to show others. That is what made me begin, but that is not the beginning.
  
Let's start smaller, I will use myself as an example. I come from a broken home, had broken relationships [friendships included], had broken promises/made and broke promises, was broke [literally and still am!], I live in a broken world, face broken religions and the list goes on. Being broken in any form doesn't mean you aren't fixable. It means you need fixed and may require others around you to assist you. Will you be the 100% again, probably not but you can get pretty darn close.

   If you break a tea cup, the pieces can be put back together but the cup is never the same. Maybe the cracks don't line up, maybe there was a small piece lost. Does it make it less of a tea cup? No, its a tea cup with flaws.

   Lets go a little bigger, the post I saw is my gruesome example now. The guy who did this unthinkable deed, wasn't born broken. His life has obviously taken him in dark directions I hope to never understand. Do I hope his broken butt ends up in jail, yes because he may not otherwise see or understand what he has done without consequences to his actions. But he's broken. Something happened and he never 'got fixed' or never had the support from others to get him back to a 'normal' [lightly said] state.

   Lets go bigger yet. Our society is like a big broken puzzle, a puzzle that pieces have been lost, pieces have been ate by the dog and pieces have been broken. The puzzle can come back together but it's never complete again because of the pieces gone or broke.  Each of us form society [whether we admit it or not], each of us bring to the table our piece of the bigger puzzle and we contribute what we have..big, small, broken, half chewed and all!

   We live each day as if we aren't broken or that we are so broken we need society to cater us forcing others to put their broken pieces down, to try and deal with those not pulling their broken weight. We are broken pieces people! Lets face it, it builds our character and that's okay. But it's not okay to force or make others feel inferior because of your personal brokenness.

  I am a believer in taking the piece I am dealt and making the most of it broken and all. Forcing others around us to take on that burden of our brokenness does society no good and as a matter of fact can make other people more broken then when they began. God wants us to come to him with our broken pieces, sometimes we can't see where our piece will fit in the bigger puzzle but he can. If we try to fit that piece in the puzzle alone it may end up in entirely the wrong spot from which he intends it to be.

  God is the only one that can repair the broken. He may bring people into our lives to do the work but only he can do it. We try to rely on our own strength and look at where it has gotten our society....no it's not ALL bad. We need to ask ourselves, are we making it better or worse with our broken piece of the puzzle...if the answer is worse then you need God to intervene and help you make it better. If your answer is better..then maybe God is seeking you out to help those who are broken around you.

Finding peace in the storm..

We all face trials throughout our lives, the hardest part for me is to remain centered and at peace during that trial. Storms rage on regardless if you are ready or not, it's how you handle that storm that will determine how much of you is left when it passes.

I sit here today filled with joy from God but burdened by current storms that I sit centered in. I call it the eye of the storm, God protects me while the storm rages on around me. I have no idea when the storm will let up or what kind of damage will be done. I just know that being still during the storm is

Why do we face these monsters?  Growth is what comes to mind, without growth we continue to just 'be'. But with growth we are 'being' something more that God intends us to be.  I had journal about being in the eye of the storm with a picture of me standing there in the middle with it twirling around me. Strangely enough a few days later a friend sent me a link [without knowing what I have been enduring] with the song called 'The Eye of the Storm' attached. The chorus is below, keep in mind that she had NO clue what I was going through...

In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
And in the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm

 

When we don't think he sees or hears us crying out for help and guidance we must remember he does. He doesn't want us to ever be alone but at times we push him away and try to take on those things our self. Sometimes we want the answer now and want to done with the storm but the growth has yet to arrive so we have to sit and find why its happening. My mind wonders to, "God are you really hearing me? Do you not see my struggles?" He does. 

 

So I sit, tiredly in the eye of the storm waiting, praying, and worshiping right where I am. Because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 

Blessings from the storm.... :)

Working out...Who has time for that??

  Hello I am Aimee and I am a workout junkie. I suppose there are so many other things I could be, like a junk food junkie or a reality TV junkie or maybe even a social media junkie. The reality is there are way worse things out there.

  I teach Tabata [high intensity interval style training] at the gym 3-4 times a week and I do DVD workouts 5-6 days a week. I usually keep this momentum 10 months out of the year. November and December really are struggle months because there is so much hustle and bustle going on with the holidays. I do get sluggish with my eating in those months too. Truth is, nobody is perfect and I am a 80% good 20% bad type of gal. What you eat in the winter shows up in the summer so be careful to not fall victim to those dreary months. Yes treat yourself but don't allow those treats to overtake your entire diet. If you struggle start writing or logging on your phone everything you eat in a day and you will be surprised how much accountability is in that action alone!

  With my diseases comes muscle loss, extreme fatigue, nerve loss and weight gain. Yes weight gain comes from being lazy, eating bad and age but throw my two diseases in and it's grounds for disaster if I am not careful. Why do I workout so much? Because my health depends on it. I love to workout so that helps but when your health literally depends on you to remain active that is a huge motivator.

  So this year I kicked it back old school and began the New Year with Brazilian Butt Lift from Beachbody. My problem area has always been the booty, hips and thighs and I was ready to conquer those for good! I purchased the program YEARS ago and completed it but it has since been sitting on a shelf. I was going to sell it but decided to give it one last whirl. To my surprise I was burning more calories and feeling better after my winter fog 2 month break.

 I completed the 'butt' program 1 1/2 times then a friend loaned my her 21-Day Fix Extreme program which is also a Beachbody program. This one KICKED me into mass overdrive, love hate relationship at its finest! Seriously how can you go wrong with 30 minute videos??

  I did the 21 Day fix program 2 1/2 times before I got in the mail the crazy 22 Minute Hardcore Corps by Tony Horton [yes from Beachbody]. Tony had my heart in fitness since P90X and P90X3. He challenges people, offers some cheesy humor and above all gets the job done. I am currently in week 2 of the 8 week program and I am literally crying out fat. Can you say burpees?? Or how about pushups and pull-ups? The videos are only 22 minutes long [warm up on your own and very short cool down at the end] and they are KILLER! "But Aimee, how could you possibly burn that much in 22 minutes?" Trust me, I average 250 calories in that short 22 minutes. You burn and you burn fast, your legs will scream on some days and your arms will beg for mercy on others. You've been warned!

  Truthfully, we all want to workout or at least be in shape. Our society has created such a fast atmosphere that we tend to put things like working out off to the side until it's too late. These DVD fitness geniuses have mastered shortening the time for people while still getting a very effective workout. I challenge you to find what works for you and go super HARDCORE in the amount of time you can dedicate!

Now go out and there and burn some calories...a quick gun show for you below hehehe...come on humor me!!

[Disclaimer..I am NOT a Beachbody coach nor am I affiliated with Beachbody in any way. I love the products and promote what I love]

Not your average cookie cutter....

  

[Disclaimer...I am happily married, have great friends, my kids are amazing and this blog is about a super personal issue I have dealt with in defining me and where I belong. I wouldn't change who I am ever, and I love where I am in life]

 

 For years I have struggled with fitting in. Scratch that, my whole life I have struggled with fitting in. I am not your average cookie cutter...

 
   In school I was never quite athletic enough to hang with the jocks, I wasn't bright enough to be with the brainacs, no musical talent what-so ever excluded me from the choir/band groups. As an adult in my late twenties/early thirties I struggled to maintain relationships with female friends [maybe still do from time to time], I had my son at 21 so I was the 'young mom' with him and then when I had my daughter at almost 30 I became the 'old mom' as she hit grade school. 

  So as you feel sorry for me at this point [haha, totally kidding], I want to remind you that we all feel like misfits from time to time. When I was diagnosed with my two diseases I thought, 'ah-ha! I finally have found a name for my issues now lets find others like me!'. It wasn't that easy, I actually have two diseases that most people have never heard of and those that do have one or the other disease don't have both of them.

   So there I was stuck again with issues others couldn't understand. Sure I could find people with one or the other aliment but not both. So I figured I was going to have to live with not fitting in all over again..at almost 40 that is where I stood. 

  This past weekend I had the privilege to attend an AMAZING Leadership conference in Tampa for one of the diseases I house [visit www.cmtausa.org for more info]. The disease surfaces in so many ways there are those who are in wheelchairs, to those wearing bracing on their legs, hands that are deformed and weakened, severe hip issues and then there is me....[crickets chirping here] I don't need bracing at this point, my hands [although super weak and clumsy] can function quite well, my hips [although are lose and slide around] are still functioning, and above all things I actually had multiple people ask if I have the disease or if I was there for a family member. 

  SURE I am happy that the disease hasn't progressed to any of those places yet, but even in the light of the event [we are all there as support group leaders for the disease] I don't fit in. I don't fit the 'look' of a person with the aliment...ugh!

Start of conference

   The people at the conference were amazing. They were inspiring, creative, interesting and just down right fun. But being the 'above normal' [said loosely because I have friends that could argue that :)] I didn't fit in, and I actually felt kinda odd in the environment. Now let me pass along that I am not a negative Nelly kinda gal, actually I am quite positive but one longs to fit in somewhere at some point in their life! 

  And then it happened. I don't know how exactly it did happen but it did. I somehow ended up with a group of gals that just made me feel that I was normal...yes I said it normal! Maybe not normal to another persons standards, but normal to ours. From chest up we all look the same, but this group is different. A few wear braces on their legs, a few have weakening of the hands but that didn't stop them from making me feel like I had known them for years!!   

  Sure others may view us as crazy, odd, and funny..:) but guess what? I fit right in with that, they get me! And they laughed at my stories and jokes [even the not so funny ones]. We took that conference by storm and even the airport! 
 
  So finally, after almost 40 years I have found my peeps. NOW PLEASE DON'T misunderstand me, I have friends. I actually have lots of friends but there is something different about this group. I cannot put my finger on it, maybe its because they are closer to the same cookie cutter as me :) 
  So if you are struggling with not finding your place, keep looking. It may take years but don't rule out that you belong nowhere because you do belong, it's just a matter of finding others that are just like you.

Blessings.....

Homeschool style rainbow walking water....

  We have really fell short on cool science experiments this year, its not that there aren't a lot of cool things out there to try. It is mainly because 3rd grade has been building fundamentals for us, like grouping animals, study our senses and learning about the ponds, lakes, oceans etc. So for the first half of the year we haven't had much time to do fun and cool experiments...until now!!

  I have been searching high and low to just find simple yet pretty intriguing things to do that will only require minimal supplies. I have a few books however they just seemed a little to 'old' for her at this point. So I looked to Pinterest, it is loaded with ALL types of experiments to try at home which turned out to be pretty cool for the whole family.

  This experiment is called Rainbow Walking Water. It's about identifying how the water moves from one jar to another without someone actually doing the transfer. 

  What you will need:

• 6 jars [similar to the ones in photos or drinking glasses will work]
• Paper towel
• Water
• Food coloring

  To begin you will need to rip the paper towel in half and bend it some as seen in photo [I admit we didn't rip the paper towel in half and it ended up taking a lot long for the process to begin].

  Begin to fill 4 jars with even amounts of water [we used room temp water but I do not believe it matters]  Next, line the jars up in groups of three. So you will have a jar with water next to a jar without water followed by another jar with water.

  Add your food coloring to the jars with water however you wish [we used about 6-7 drops of coloring in each jar].  Now, place the paper towel in the jars as shown being sure that an end is in the water and the other end in the empty jar.

Then watch the fun begin!! Watch as the water works its way up the paper towel and empties out into the middle jar. She thought it was pretty neat :)

  After a few hours we came back and this was how beautiful it all looked!

  We loved seeing the process and how new colors were formed. I had her write about the experiment and how it worked while it was happening and when it was complete.

  Life isn't always about going out and spending tons of money to get kids excited...sometimes its the little things that really put a huge smile on their faces.

Thanks for reading and God bless!!

Bringing forth your best in all things...even when it looks blank

  
  I usually try to have fun and offer a more relaxed atmosphere in my blog. Today will be a little different. 

  Do you ever have so many ambitions that you don't know where to begin? I need you to understand where I am at in life, what my goals 'possibly' are and why I feel so stuck at this point.

  I vision myself standing in the middle of basically nowhere, looking in all directions trying to decide where and what to do next. Imagine a blank nothing room with no walls, no color, no direction, that is where I am. I try to take a couple steps one way and since there is no sense of direction I cannot tell how far I actually have gone, so I turn and try to go another way but again no sense if i am actually moving forward, sideways or backwards. My ambitions, goals, dreams and wants out of life are currently being pulled in so many directions that I cannot tell if I am progressing in those things or digressing. Its not that I don't have things I want to achieve, its what to go for first and what will bring forth what we need [financially and emotionally] at this moment. It's knowing the next step and knowing where and when to step. Do you get what I am saying? 

  I have things I love to do that have a schedule and I do not have to really consider the next step. For example, I am a support group leader for my one disease. There really is not too much planning besides the schedule of meetings and traveling now and again to seminars. Basically the same thing year after year. There is also the women's ministry I help with. I have been blessed to be the assistant coach of the program for this upcoming round again and although there is ALOT of things that 'pop' up as the program starts, I still know what I will be up against and how to handle the things thrown my way. 

  So what about the things with no schedule, no sense of direction, no nothing....that's where I am in that room. Two businesses, both things I love very much but also two things opposite end of the spectrum. As I weigh out the cons and pros of each business I think I know which one I want to pursue and then something happens that causes me to not take that step forward. It's not fear of the unknown, its the commitment maybe??....but it could also be that thought of failure [which I am NOT scared of since more learning comes through the failures]. So where do I go from here, how do I choose where to pour myself in and where to pull back [for now]?

  Oh and there's one more thing....without giving much information, I am looking into going back to school again for a career path that my Grandmother had once visioned me doing. It's something that has me on the fence too. I had returned to school and completed a degree in 2014 and now I am wanting to go farther and do so much more...but again it weighs on my shoulders and the unknown has me blank faced again. 

  I am certain where I am now and what all I do, is not what I am suppose to do. I cannot hold this many hats along with homeschooling all at once. I need direction, I need to be advised [preferably with a big huge sign] on which way I should go next....it's usually not that easy, although I do pray to God that I am pretty oblivious to 'signs' so he really needs to post the sign on my forehead so I am CERTAIN which way to go! Yes I do take on a lot, yes I have problems telling people no, yes I have goals and want to reach them all. But I know that I cannot do this alone and I also know that I have a specific purpose and maybe NONE of these things are what I am suppose to be or do but it's setting me up for something bigger and better.

  For now, I will continue to pour myself into each thing he has called me to do and pray that my route becomes a little more clear with each step I do dare to take.

Thanks for reading and allowing me to be apart of your life! 

Blessings,
Aimee

Tattoos are forever....WARNING GRAPHIC IMAGES BELOW YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

Good morning! Happy New Year! I am working to get back into a routine, this time of the year can really get away from a person if you are not careful. I cannot believe January is almost gone.

So last year I began the process of having a tattoo removed. I wasn't really planning on ever doing something like this, however a well known local vein/spa institute purchased a high end laser for tattoo removal and they were looking for candidates to begin 'practicing' on. I know, I know, why would I want to be one of the first at this place to be 'practiced on?' Here's the deal, the place is pretty high end and the credentials of these ladies include one being a nurse practitioner and the others having quite a bit of education...well I felt [feel] safe going there not to mention all the great attention they give a person.

A little history on tattoos. Tattoos have been around way longer than once thought. According to the Smithsonian Magazine online, the first tattoos dated back almost 5,200 years ago. Recent findings show Ice men from the Italian-Austria border to have tattoo patterns. There have also been many findings on female mummies dated back to 2000 B.C. that show tattoos. Tattoos have been implemented into cultures way longer than most people believe. There are many theories on why 'mummified' women are found more with tattoos than the men.  Original thoughts were it was a way to label the female as a prostitute or a dancing girl. Now they are beginning to believe, by where the markings are located, that it could have helped during labor or dealing with other health issues so more of a therapeutic approach.

Whatever the case, every culture has reasoning for why they choose [or choose not] to tattoo. Our society has become a lot more accepting of tattoos in the last 100 years. Although a lot of our Grandparents may have thought of it as taboo, a lot of our own parents are now boasting their own ink. We tend to find reasoning in the permanent art whether it be a memorial for a lost love one, memories of our early adult hood, a momentum of our own children and then just plain ignorance. My tattoo feel into the, 'I just turned 18 and I need to get a tattoo right now' category.  It isn't a bad tattoo, I am no longer a fan of its' location. Here is what it looked like at the start of the treatment...

So I decided to be a guinea pig for the new laser this institute purchased. I really didn't know what to expect. I have heard horror stories of the pain being way bigger than the actual tattoo. This tattoo location in particular I didn't remember being too bad [although 20 years had passed since I was first inked]. My first appointment was close to a year ago. You go in, she takes pictures and then you sit with a topical numbing ointment on for about 30 minutes. The actual laser time is about 1 minute, yet it seems like eternity! Here is the first after treatment photo..it doesn't look like much happened.

So I continued going for my torture treatment every 6-8 weeks. You really can give yourself almost 12 weeks for full healing which just helps in the long run we found out. Here are a few other pictures after more pain stoking treatments...

The pictures appear in different angles depending on if I took the photo or someone else did.


I just finished up another round of my tattoo demolishing procedure on Wednesday of this week. Here is what she did to me! UGH! Seriously though, having a connective tissue disease and not too mention the greens and blues taking longer, she decided to 'hit' the area a different way and actually numbed me longer [how nice of her] so it wouldn't be as painful. This time I have bled and blistered [which has happened before] more than ever. Here is this weeks train wreck...

This is what I know, the black is gone! The greens and blues are hanging on as long as they can. We are hoping this treatment is almost the final treatment for me. I have paid quite a bit for this procedure but not as much as others since I was able to get in on the 'guinea pig' program. This is certainly a painful procedure even with the numbing concoction she places on you. Its similar to sharp constant bee stings, or maybe thick needles shoved into your skin a high rate of speed, or maybe a laser breaking up with ink! Whatever it is, the comfort level for that entire 1 minute is not friendly. The smell of burning flesh and the instant bubbling of the skin makes me question how safe this actual is.

So why am I sharing this? Obviously it is great education! But honestly if you are contemplating a tattoo or [like me] have a teenager who is planning out their 'first' tattoo. Please do research and sit on the design for awhile. Don't just show up and close your eyes and point for a design. Make it mean something. I have two other tattoos and the one is a cover up of another unfortunate 18 year old decision, while the other has meaning about my children and my family in it.

Alright, now back to your regularly scheduled program....

If you like this blog following me and share it with your friends!! Lots of great topics will be heading your way soon!!

Aimee